Moving Forward: Not who I Was….

by Lisa Allgood, Executive Presbyter

“Jesus said, “Do not hold on to me, for I have not yet ascended to the Father. Go instead to my brothers and tell them, ‘I am ascending to my Father and your Father…’ ”

• John 20:17

I always wondered at this verse.  Why couldn’t Mary touch Jesus on the day of Resurrection?

In other translations, the verb is “cling”. So it’s not a simple swift touch.

Yes, I’ve read a bunch of commentaries, and gone back to some of the original Greek (yes, even science-y nerds can do that) and the best I can come up with is that “clinging” was Mary’s way of actually holding Jesus back in a way that didn’t allow Him to move forward. Because in other resurrection Scripture, the women touch His feet and later, of course, Jesus urges Thomas to touch His wound so that he can trust that Jesus has indeed risen. 

And then of course there’s the “not yet ascended – I am ascending” part.  So – He’s still actively ascending to the Father in some way.

I believe Jesus was fully human and fully God while He was here in His ministry – and that, after the resurrection, He is now fully God. The language of this particular moment sort of seals that for me.  But at this moment in time, Jesus is in a liminal space.  I think what Jesus is really saying is “yes, Mary, I am Who I am and Who I have always been, but I’m not Who I was”. 

What makes me wonder is that I can take this to two metaphorical extremes:

• I wonder if people – frail, feeble, fragile, fearful humans – hold Jesus back. Just as Jesus seems to indicate that Mary can’t hold on to Him while He’s ascending. Do we hold Him back in our ministry, in our lives day-to-day, whenever we don’t proclaim His blessings to us?  Whenever we don’t tell others why we have and live the hope we have and live?  Whenever we try to add our own “legalisms” of ministry that Jesus warned the disciples against? Whenever we tone down our acclamation of the grace given to us by our Lord and Savior?
• I wonder if – because as believers, as ones who walk The Way – we’re not who we were, either. And that makes me feel brave and startled and curious and wanting to do my very best to “live up to” that call.  Even though I know there’s no way I ever can or will.

Because, as another favorite Madeline L’Engle quote says:

“We have to be braver than we think we can be, because God is constantly calling us to be more than we are.”