Reverend Dr. Amy Snow, Fort Thomas First Presbyterian Church
I appeal to you, brothers, by the name of our Lord Jesus Christ, that all of you agree, and that there be no divisions among you, but that you be united in the same mind and the same judgment.
Yesterday I finally had to admit something to myself. I married a perennial killer. Not that he is a continual or recurring murderer, rather that he tends to kill my plants just as they are emerging in the Spring. A few weeks ago, I went outside and discovered that he had driven the lawnmower through a flower bed. Apparently, the emerging coneflowers looked like weeds. On the plus side none of the irises had been mowed!
Through the years I’ve tried things like planting mosses and small plants between the flagstones in our walkway to naturally deter weeds. They all got flambéed in one aggressive weed torching session a while back. There are many other similar stories and yesterday as I went out to put in some native plants that I ordered in an area I’m trying to reclaim from invasive species and that I’d put in native perennials last year… I discovered it all neatly mowed. (deep breath)
I finally had to admit that we had been working at cross purposes for a long while, but I just couldn’t see it. Then he said something that he had not mentioned in our 25-year relationship. “I despise gardening!” I never knew that.
It was like a lightning bolt of realization struck me. Aha! No wonder he was always slightly grumpy when I asked for help digging holes and moving various plants around! No wonder my delightful images of us happily puttering around in the yard and in the garden together had never quite panned out – yet. I always somehow had the image in my head that this would come about perhaps when we were less busy, or life was less chaotic.
And before you decide I am some sort of unobservant dolt please know that my husband loves to mow the grass. He takes pride in our yard looking nice. He loves nature and the outdoors. He is a quiet sort and tends to have lots of little projects going. Quietly weeding or tending to a garden seemed like it would be a great thing for us to do together. It never occurred to me that he despised gardening. And though I’m a bit disappointed it really is helpful information. I can adjust my plans for our yard and our garden to what I can maintain by myself instead of depending upon him for help. The parts of the yard that I want to work on naturalizing can be roped off for ME and woe unto him who weed torches or mows in those areas because he can’t be bothered to learn what is a weed and what is a native plant. J It isn’t his thing. And that is okay.
That leaves us space to figure out other things that we do want to do together without continually frustrating each other and this is important in any kind of relationship.
Many of us find ourselves at this point in our church relationships. We are trying to figure out what we want to do together. We are figuring out what we hold dear and what we believe on very deep levels, and we are working on speaking these truths. Sometimes we may discover that those we counted on for gardening help truly despise that work and are ready for something new. If that is the case, they need to be allowed to follow the leading of the Holy Spirit. Likewise, there may be those who have never overseen gardening before and they may have new ideas about landscaping. We will need to listen to these folks too. We all have roles to play in the future of the church, but we must be honest about what our gifts and callings and beliefs are so that we do not continue patterns of frustration and working at cross purposes.
May we bless the beliefs, gifts, and talents of all those who gather with us and may we tend this garden of believers so that the beloved community may truly bloom!
Note from Lisa: In case you don’t know, Amy’s husband is the Reverend Dr. Ed Goode – a PCUSA pastor who serves the Christ UCC church right across the street from Fort Thomas First, and a member of the Presbytery Commission on Ministry. Trust me – they are quite happily married. And Ed would like it noted for posterity that he he will continue to help with gardening but will also continue to be a bit grumpy about it.
